Why we left the farm early...
9 May 2000

thank you each of you for your support and concern. it is very much appreciated! we have left the farm and are still in bonn, but we leave this afternoon to continue our travels!

each of you has asked what happened and how it started so i will explain a little. it is hard because i don't feel comofortable putting all of the blame on the other parties, but that is how it feels.

we came to martin in february to ask about volunteering and staying at the farm for a time. we worked a couple of days to get a feel for the place and people. he seemed really excited about our coming and working for a while, but having recently gotten married with child he couldn't speak for the household and had to talk to indra first.

we always got a bad vibe from indra. especially when we moved in. she was always condescending and disrespectful of us, but in a really subtle way that you cannot point at and say "you did this." it was frustrating but tolerable initially.

also indra appears to be trying to take over the farm and martin seems to be letting her. she was his intern last year and mrk.and i have heard a lot of mutterings from friends about her getting pregnant intetionally to get a foot in the farm. who knows what is really true, but we know what we have seen ourselves and it fits. i think when we came in february martin was still really in charge. i don't think he is anymore.

so things were not alsolutely perfect on the social scene, but acceptable. but then the hot weather started and they got more busy. everyone at the farm was in a bad mood from the heat and the stress. i wonder if things were getting really bad between indra and martin then too. in any case there was a constant strain between us and them that peaked out last thursday with martin asking us to leave the following week.

it was weird. he came out smiling with his usual good morning and then set into saying we should leave sooner than planned. it really felt like he was not speaking for himself. the only thing that really felt like his own strong feelings was when he expressed a great deal of stress and suggested that we added to it. so we had a hard morning that day.

one if the other workers (this construction-type guy who turns out to really be a sensitive guy) talked with mrk. and got martin and indra to sit down and discuss things with us. heiner (the guy) acted as mediator (very well!) in the beginning until we got things vented. then we had to figure things out on our own. i walked out of it feeling like martin and i felt considerably more relaxed, mrk. felt a little better and indra felt ... i have no idea, but not any different towards us than before. it was better than before though.

however, mrk. and i now had the weekend to decide what we wanted to do. we had a meeting on sunday to tell them what we had decided. the first thing they did after we proposed what we were thinking was to suggest something completely different and not really consider what we were now suggesting. i think they walked away from that meeting feeling like they got what they wanted and also that we got what we wanted, but we walked out of it thinking they got what they wanted and we didn't get what we wanted. it was really stressful and we tried to determine where to go from there.

so we ended up just packing and leaving. they expressed surprise to mrk. when he told them we were walking out the door, but when i had suggested it was a possibility to martin just a couple of hours earlier he seemed to expect it. who knows? it is just typical of our interactions with them. i am just happy to not be manipulated by them anymore.

the good thing is that i think despite all the weirdness we left on good terms. everyone else at the farm also seemed so nice as we left, like no bad feelings ever. it made it a little hard to leave! (especially considering the manner in which it was occuring.)

so we spent the night at a friend's in bonn and we are still recovering from the stress. it was amazing how tired we got in the evening when we finally got down from the adrenaline rush we have been on. it is good now to be moving on. we had a really great time there outside of the last bit, and even some of that time was not bad. i am just sorry it happened so abruptly.

so that is it. that is the story from my point of view in a rush before we have even left the area!

thank you again for all your support!

© Copyright Cheryln Crowl 2000